Ok, so where were we?
I believe that the last time I bothered you with my nonsense was about a year ago. I was freezing my ass off in Hamburg, Germany at the time, experimenting with living accommodations. I spent about A year in Hamburg, having a fucking great time, with fucking great people, burping fucking great German hot dogs and cheap beer. Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town close to Bel-air.
This story begins about 5 years ago, on a rare sunny day in Manhattan. Some friends of mine were having a picnic in the park and invited me to join, as a form of cheap entertainment. "Bring your guitar" they said. Being the attention whore that I am, I easily complied. So there we were, sitting in the park, my buddy and I were trying to find a song to play together to amuse the masses. Indeed a daunting task for any musician with self respect. Paper cups were occasionally filled, but not the rim, with cheap white wine, and yes, I was miserable, as I usually am in these kind of events, acting as the court jester. And then she came, armed with a boyfriend. God I hate boyfriends.
"Wow", I said to myself, "she will be my wife one day". Now those who know me for a long time will claim that I've said this a hundred times before, but this time I meant it. Being the gentleman that I am, I couldn't do anything but patiently wait, and I waited and waited and waited. Nothing. She was hung to her boyfriend like I was hung to a bottle of Bacardi 8. Two years I lived in New York City, seeing her every now and then, bumping into her on the subway, as she's half blind and I stink of despair. She came to all of my shows, but due to her BF situation, I had to focus on the rest of the girls in the audience, which led me back to my good old friend, the bottle.
I had to leave that horrible city before I shot myself in the head, so I moved back to Israel. Wrong move. Still, we said hi every now and then on Facebook, but life led us both in different directions. Time went by and I left Israel for the Dominican Republic. From there I continued to Europe, not before I made a pit stop in New York to say hi to old friends. The first night we were suppose to meet for a drink, she canceled on me. I was angry as I knew that BF was not in the picture anymore, I just lost my chance. After coming back from a week in Canada, I decided to give it another shot, so I gave her shout. This time she didn't cancel. My seduction plan was now into play. We met at a bar and Immediately I ordered us drinks. Let the games begin. After one cheers she told me about her new boyfriend. Did I mention already how much I hate boyfriends. We had a few drinks and off we went, each one to his own direction. Again, I was out of luck.
Hello Europe.
You can read about my Eurotrip adventure in my earlier posts. This one is about my favorite subject, the girl who kept getting away.
Along came new-years day of 2013, and I, as you remember was freezing my ass off in Hamburg, Germany. Suddenly, A Facebook message. It was almost noon in Hamburg, way early in NY. "What the hell are you doing up?" I replied. She replied with something in the lines of; I hate New York, and I just broke with my boyfriend. YES!!, there is a god, there is still a chance. I told her that I'm sorry, though I wasn't, and immediately I went on the attack.
We started chatting on Facebook and talking on Skype all day long. Three weeks later she was on a plane to see me in Hamburg. Oh man. Oh man. Oh man. I waited for her at the airport, telling myself to kiss her immediately as I see her. The arrival doors opened and there she was, shivering like a fraidy cat. I smiled and went for my kiss. Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind
We spent an amazing long weekend in Hamburg and then she was out my life again and back in New York. I hated the Atlantic. After her return to New York, our all day cyber sessions went into full throttle. We were juggling between me doing nothing and her having a day job, while an ocean is forcing a six hour difference on us.
A few days after her return to New York, she called me on Skype and confessed that she always thought we'd end up together since that picnic in the park, where we first met. "Are you nuts woman?", I responded. "You just wasted fours years of my life", I continued. "Let's get married".
In April, she came back for a visit in Hamburg, and there I was waiting for her again at the airport, but this time with a marry me sign. So cute. She said yes, and pulled the rings that she brought with her from New York. Are you getting this? She insisted on getting the rings, said that I can't get her what she wants and either way she can get it at cost. Poor as I was, I accepted the offer, promising myself that one day, I won't be dirt poor. She stayed with me for a long weekend before she returned to New York, now with a ring on her finger.
That month between her leaving in April and returning in May, was the longest month of my life. This time she came with her all her luggage, shoes galore. So many fucking shoes. The next day we got in the car and drove to Denmark to get married. It was on a nice little island, where we got married by what seemed like three old lesbians. We said our I do's and rushed to catch the ferry off the Island. That was it. No wedding day smiles, no walk down the aisles, no flowers , no wedding dress. I was officially off the market, sorry girls.
Well it's been a rocky road since then, as we got pregnant right off the bat, while we were traveling most of the time. Believe me, you do not want to travel with a woman in her first trimester. They get nuts!! Don't do it! We went through Germany to Israel, back to Germany, to Spain, to Israel, to Greece and then to New York, where we stayed with her twin like mom, and then we continued to Los Angeles, where I am writing these words. Only last week we finally moved into our own nest, after six months of marriage and 2 trimesters of pregnancy. Fun fun fun. I am no longer a nomad. I am no longer allowed to be a slob. I am no longer allowed to go a day without a shower. I no longer smell.
This is where this story ends and a new one begins; the story of The Wolfovitz Yaffes and their adventures in the city of angels and demons.
God help us all.
Again, I truly apologize for all the girls who missed their chance. I love you all, but I am addicted to my wife.
I believe that the last time I bothered you with my nonsense was about a year ago. I was freezing my ass off in Hamburg, Germany at the time, experimenting with living accommodations. I spent about A year in Hamburg, having a fucking great time, with fucking great people, burping fucking great German hot dogs and cheap beer. Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town close to Bel-air.
This story begins about 5 years ago, on a rare sunny day in Manhattan. Some friends of mine were having a picnic in the park and invited me to join, as a form of cheap entertainment. "Bring your guitar" they said. Being the attention whore that I am, I easily complied. So there we were, sitting in the park, my buddy and I were trying to find a song to play together to amuse the masses. Indeed a daunting task for any musician with self respect. Paper cups were occasionally filled, but not the rim, with cheap white wine, and yes, I was miserable, as I usually am in these kind of events, acting as the court jester. And then she came, armed with a boyfriend. God I hate boyfriends.
"Wow", I said to myself, "she will be my wife one day". Now those who know me for a long time will claim that I've said this a hundred times before, but this time I meant it. Being the gentleman that I am, I couldn't do anything but patiently wait, and I waited and waited and waited. Nothing. She was hung to her boyfriend like I was hung to a bottle of Bacardi 8. Two years I lived in New York City, seeing her every now and then, bumping into her on the subway, as she's half blind and I stink of despair. She came to all of my shows, but due to her BF situation, I had to focus on the rest of the girls in the audience, which led me back to my good old friend, the bottle.
I had to leave that horrible city before I shot myself in the head, so I moved back to Israel. Wrong move. Still, we said hi every now and then on Facebook, but life led us both in different directions. Time went by and I left Israel for the Dominican Republic. From there I continued to Europe, not before I made a pit stop in New York to say hi to old friends. The first night we were suppose to meet for a drink, she canceled on me. I was angry as I knew that BF was not in the picture anymore, I just lost my chance. After coming back from a week in Canada, I decided to give it another shot, so I gave her shout. This time she didn't cancel. My seduction plan was now into play. We met at a bar and Immediately I ordered us drinks. Let the games begin. After one cheers she told me about her new boyfriend. Did I mention already how much I hate boyfriends. We had a few drinks and off we went, each one to his own direction. Again, I was out of luck.
Hello Europe.
You can read about my Eurotrip adventure in my earlier posts. This one is about my favorite subject, the girl who kept getting away.
 |
| A drawing of a hitchhiker with smile and guitar on his back. |
Along came new-years day of 2013, and I, as you remember was freezing my ass off in Hamburg, Germany. Suddenly, A Facebook message. It was almost noon in Hamburg, way early in NY. "What the hell are you doing up?" I replied. She replied with something in the lines of; I hate New York, and I just broke with my boyfriend. YES!!, there is a god, there is still a chance. I told her that I'm sorry, though I wasn't, and immediately I went on the attack.
We started chatting on Facebook and talking on Skype all day long. Three weeks later she was on a plane to see me in Hamburg. Oh man. Oh man. Oh man. I waited for her at the airport, telling myself to kiss her immediately as I see her. The arrival doors opened and there she was, shivering like a fraidy cat. I smiled and went for my kiss. Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind
We spent an amazing long weekend in Hamburg and then she was out my life again and back in New York. I hated the Atlantic. After her return to New York, our all day cyber sessions went into full throttle. We were juggling between me doing nothing and her having a day job, while an ocean is forcing a six hour difference on us.
A few days after her return to New York, she called me on Skype and confessed that she always thought we'd end up together since that picnic in the park, where we first met. "Are you nuts woman?", I responded. "You just wasted fours years of my life", I continued. "Let's get married".
In April, she came back for a visit in Hamburg, and there I was waiting for her again at the airport, but this time with a marry me sign. So cute. She said yes, and pulled the rings that she brought with her from New York. Are you getting this? She insisted on getting the rings, said that I can't get her what she wants and either way she can get it at cost. Poor as I was, I accepted the offer, promising myself that one day, I won't be dirt poor. She stayed with me for a long weekend before she returned to New York, now with a ring on her finger.
 |
| Another ring I can't buy. |
That month between her leaving in April and returning in May, was the longest month of my life. This time she came with her all her luggage, shoes galore. So many fucking shoes. The next day we got in the car and drove to Denmark to get married. It was on a nice little island, where we got married by what seemed like three old lesbians. We said our I do's and rushed to catch the ferry off the Island. That was it. No wedding day smiles, no walk down the aisles, no flowers , no wedding dress. I was officially off the market, sorry girls.
Well it's been a rocky road since then, as we got pregnant right off the bat, while we were traveling most of the time. Believe me, you do not want to travel with a woman in her first trimester. They get nuts!! Don't do it! We went through Germany to Israel, back to Germany, to Spain, to Israel, to Greece and then to New York, where we stayed with her twin like mom, and then we continued to Los Angeles, where I am writing these words. Only last week we finally moved into our own nest, after six months of marriage and 2 trimesters of pregnancy. Fun fun fun. I am no longer a nomad. I am no longer allowed to be a slob. I am no longer allowed to go a day without a shower. I no longer smell.
This is where this story ends and a new one begins; the story of The Wolfovitz Yaffes and their adventures in the city of angels and demons.
God help us all.
Again, I truly apologize for all the girls who missed their chance. I love you all, but I am addicted to my wife.
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